October 5th, 2010

Fire Lit...

It has taken quite some time (and when I say some time, I mean YEARS) for me to realize where I need to be and it is not where I currently am. I have had this shitty mindset for most of my life that I am limited in my options because I am limited in my physicality. I have been under the false impression that I have to be in a place that I don't necessarily want to be because it is what's "good" for me.

So, I'm getting the fuck out of here. As opposed to just thinking about leaving, or planning for it tentatively, I am finally ACTIVELY planning to move to the west coast. I know, I know, you all say "Well, weren't you going to do that earlier this year?" To say that that was preemptive is my only response. A foreshadowing of future events.

I'll be slowly selling off things of value and possibly purchasing a vehicle to drive to Cali in. I'm only taking what will fit in a car. I'm sick of it here. Don't get me wrong, I love all of my awesome friends dearly, but I need to get the fuck out of here before it really does kill me. I have felt a calling to the ocean and I miss it immensely. My lungs are craving salty air.

Things are getting a little more difficult to deal with, in regards to my health. I get so sick and it gets so hard to breathe sometimes that I become afraid and start to think that I may not actually make it out of the hospital one of these times. I knew this was coming, but nothing in the world can prepare you for this, even with prior knowledge. I've attempted to simplify my life down to what I feel are necessities, but I'm still not where I want to be.

I know what I have to do. I've known for quite a while. It's just trying to push the stubborn bull out of her rut. Not so difficult these days, honestly...
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