Birthdays aren't what they used to be, at least not for me they aren't. I guess I'm officially "middle aged". I definitely don't mind this. Considering how many of my friends will never see this age, I am feeling blessed.
This day has been a roller-coaster, physically and emotionally. Physically, I was out and about in the car by myself earlier and I made the silly mistake of leaving the house without checking the trunk to see how many (if any) full O2 tanks I had. We usually have two big ones and a small one back there. Sometimes, when I swap out the tanks, I forget that there are EMPTY tanks in the trunk and I forget to ask Mark to swap them out for fresh tanks. This was the haps today. I ran out of O2s while I was down in San Carlos near Mark's work.
I'm on 4-5 litres per minute, which burns through big tanks in about 3.5 hours. I went to swap tanks and saw that I had nothing but empties. Mark left work early to drive us home. I was passing out in the car. Lack of O2 will do that. The oxygen in your blood is measured as O2 saturation levels in %. Normal levels are obviously 95% or greater. When I have no oxygen, my sat levels are upper 50s to lower 60s. It gets a little scary.
Also today, I had the wonderful joy of going to UCSF and getting my blood drawn for lab work. I was told by my tx coordinator to make sure they gave me a certain form for a specific test. Of the THREE checkpoints I had to go through before actually having a needle in my arm, NOT ONE of them had a clue as to what I was talking about. I ended up having to call the tx coordinator and have her speak to the phlebo taking my blood. So, what should have only taken half an hour, ended up taking three times as long and forced me to miss a different doc appointment and I had to reschedule. I was NOT HAPPY.
Emotionally, as far as turning 35, I'm neither here nor there. I can't think of anything negative about getting older. Of course, I miss my youth and wish that I had my old body back, but these are normal things that I think every 35 year old woman feels.
Unfortunately, today I learned of the death of one of my Cf friends. She was someone I had met maybe five years ago at the U of M Fairview hospital. Her name was Tiffany and she was ten days shy of her 25 birthday when she passed on April 20th this year. It's always hard for me when a fellow Cfer dies, and it's exceptionally hard when it's someone I knew in person. Her mother Cyndi had to make the most horrific decision to unplug the machines. There was nothing more they could do. They had tried everything but she never woke up.
I always put myself in those situations. I think I might speak for a lot of Cfers when I say that it is always in the back of our minds. When we see a fellow soldier fall, we kinda just know that it will eventually be our turn. It comes for us all, and the Cf will eventually win. I pray for all of my fallen friends and hope they are finally free.
I didn't do anything special today. I went to McDonald's and got what they pass off as a chocolate shake and a large order of fries. They skimped on the fries. Jerks. Luna was with me all day and she was doing pretty good. We were going to go to a park and eat, but that's when I ran out of O2s. Ever since we came home, I've pretty much just been hanging out. Mark is so sweet. He's been randomly telling me "Happy Birthday!" all day long and he'll come over and give me a hug and a kiss. I'll probably just end up ordering a pizza and sitting on the floor watching a movie. Birthdays aren't at all glitzy and glamourous for me anymore. I'm just thankful I made it this long with all my original parts. :)
I love reading all the happy bday comments on fb, and the phone calls I've received. Thank you to everyone for all the well wishes, they are greatly appreciated. Love to you all.